i won’t hesitate no more, no more

Do you know what it’s like to be a guy without friends? I do. 

I’m not writing this is hope that someone else will read it. Honestly, I don’t mind if no one does. It’s for me to hopefully look back sometime in the distant future and hopefully things would have changed by then. 

The curious thing is that I know some of my points are agreed with. I shall not mention examples here; there are quite a few. But I know for a fact that sometimes when I say or write something (my opinions that is), there are people who go, “Yes, that’s what I feel too.” Yet, no one will publicly side me. Because let’s be frank here, “Srinath Reddy is being an asshole/very extra/overly critical,” is a position that’s far simpler to manage than, “Hey, I actually think he’s right.” 

I may make it seem like I’ve no qualms over that somewhat unfair way things in my world work. But I do. I get depressed over it, I sulk about it, I cry about it. 

Some would say that public rejection has been an integral part of my life, for better or for worse. I’ll agree. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that this public rejection has shaped who I am as a person. I’ve been told that my frankness arises from the fact that I’ve nothing/no one left to lose. It’s more of the other way around. It’s because of my frankness that I’m now at this state. 

My advice to anyone who reads this is not to forgo frankness in the hope of being more socially acceptable. Your life will still go on regardless of whether you’ve been frank with your opinion. Your frankness may make you an enemy, or two, or maybe eighty. But if that’s the cost of having something heard, then I promise you, at some point in your life, you’ll realize it’s actually worth it. Take it from someone who has almost nothing left to lose.

i knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me

“History rhymes.” What sort of a topic is that? Anyway, I shan’t complain. I’ve wasted many an afternoon in doing all sorts of lame rubbish so today’s afternoon can’t be considered a complete waste of time. 

On a different note, I can’t help but wish people were more involved in debate training (not to be confused with the _________ series of NE “debates”). It’s an activity I have really come to enjoy and one that I hope to attain some fulfillment pursuing. 

I’ve also been reading widely. McCarthyism, Darfur, climate crisis, biofuels, World War 2, Kosovo and so on. Someone asked me why (or rather, “What the fuck are you doing this for?”) and I realized I couldn’t really answer him. But does my desire to stay informed need some sort of justification? Does any desire require justification?

I don’t have much to say because nothing really significant has been going on. School, grades, debate, research, tiredness, a few good men (and women). 

“Dissent is the highest form of patriotism”

Thomas Jefferson

trains move quickly to their journey’s end

I’m pleasantly surprised by the amount of what I’d call “proper blogging” coming out of my NUS High level mates these days. It has been interesting to read reactions, reflections and rebuttals (though it’s more fun to offer opposing viewpoints rather than to read them). 

Anyway, I’ve been told that my blog is resembling a collection of insults thrown at people. In fact, it’s nothing of the sort. If you find something illogical or unjustifiably defamatory or distasteful, then please do inform me. But pointing out other people’s mistakes or correcting misconceptions or broadcasting my point of view does not constitute insult (though it may make me more enemies). 

I’ve only one message for my readers tonight: be frank, and accept frankness.

miniature disasters and minor catastrophoes

This weekend I have an English assignment to do, a hundred pages of materials to read (for research), and a teammate that doesn’t know the difference between adsorption and absorption (fyi, we’re working with the former). You’d probably can imagine a frustrated and gloomy me.

But I’m neither frustrated nor gloomy. As low as life has been in some ways, I’ve also had lots of positive things in my life. Debate, good teachers (generally), gooddecent grades, and other positive things in my life have been encouraging. The good things and bad things in a life arise from differences, differences between the current state of things and what they used to be. And right now, I’m learning to treasure those differences. 

It’s a tough life, a fast life and still, it’s a good life.

Addressed to Yunhui: Whatever I wrote here, I didn’t write because I had no courage (which you accused me of lacking) to say it to your face. In fact, it takes far more courage to put it up here where one actually has to be accountable and responsible for what he writes. Anyway, I’ve already come up to you and told you what I have to, so that’s that.